This is our doing. Obvi.

Looks like Fox heard us loud and clear. Is this the beginning of the end for The OC?

We can only hope the show will go up in flames. And, as you all know, I mean that quite literally.

Thank God...

Ashlee isn't following in the footsteps of our beloved Britney.

People are claiming that this would set Ashlee apart from Jessica, but I'm not sure that's really the case...I mean, we all see where Jessica is headed, don't we? Johnny Knoxville? That skinny guy from Maroon 5? The "naughty" cover for Maxim magazine? Seriously, within the next year or so, she's going to get desperate enough. It's either posing nude or going the Britney route (trucker hats and Twinkies are a part of Jess's heritage too, y'all.)

All Ashlee has to do is hold out and wait for her sister to finish self-destructing. I think the wig is a pretty good sign the end is near. Be strong, Ashlee, the limelight is...almost...yours...all you have to do is keep convincing Jess that outfits like this look, like, totally HOTT.

Blinded by the light...

Or by fear. Egotastic has provided some nice pictures from Harper's Bazaar, so I don't have to actually pay to be scarred for life.

Really unsafe for human viewing, but go ahead and click anyways.

Now I know the easy joke here is about fat Britney and why she has any desire to show off the results of high-Cheeto-consumption (other than the fact that she needed some free photoshopped pictures to continue her delusions), but the nice magazine folks have distracted me by the horrific outfit choices.

I'm not even talking about the fur rug thing--that is tame compared to the hairnet mask combined with the giant silver scrunchy necklace.

And that picture with Sean Preston is so creepy I think she might be stealing him for the Goblin King.

In fact the whole photo shoot makes me uneasy. It's almost as if I'm endlessly watching the scene in Silence of the Lambs where Buffalo Bill is making his human skin costume.

Seriously, Britney, won't you think of the children?

They still exist?

Apparently Kevin is leaving the Backstreet Boys.

I recognize that I am given to sarcasm, but in all seriousness, how many people were aware that they are actually still together? I must be losing touch with my inner pre-teen.

Minis

To celebrate my (and Maggie's) return to our glorious blog, here are some mini-marshmallows to stuff yourself with:

A Demoted Goat: "Captain William Rose, a soldier present at the parade, said the goat 'was trying to headbutt the waist and nether regions of the drummers.'" I think there is a joke just waiting to be made in this story about gays in the military, but I can't quite...

Supreme Court pooh-pooh: Okay, so the story itself isn't that funny, but I am actually ten and still find poop jokes entertaining.

Nicole Kidman, Oscar-winning actress, Tom Cruise survivor, Mrs. Aussie Country Star, and Reviver of 80s poofy sleeves! God, if Balenciaga does poofy sleeves, then it must be chic. Almost as chic as showing everyone all of the bones in the upper half of your body.

Jessica Simpson, nobody cares about you anymore. Not even trying to steal Madonna's glory is going to help you now.

This further proves my theory that Americans will watch anything if there are enough commercials on TV for it. Who are all of these people? Who went and saw Click? I mean, even I had better things to do. And by "better things," I mean watching the Golf Channel with my mother.

Kevin, you are finally getting what you deserve. Sort of.

And my guilty pleasure of the week: Paris Hilton's new single, which is (surprisingly) not offensively bad. If you show me real love, baby, I'll show you mine... Apparently she has a rather loose definition of love.