My Sassy (American) Girl?

So this is potentially old news, but I just found out that one of my favorite Korean movies ever (and one of the most successful Asian films of all time) is being adapted for American audiences. I know most non-Asian people have never even heard of My Sassy Girl (or 엽기적인 그녀, which really translates to something like That Crazy/Insane/Bizarre Girl), so you can read about it here (spoiler warning!), but it is a hilarious and absolutely insane movie (and based on a true story that the guy documented on his blog/online journal).

I am more than a little worried that it is going to be totally sucktastic in English, especially since it is being directed by some French guy I have never heard of (Yann Samuells?) and is reportedly going to star Elisha Cuthbert, who in no way is as pretty or talented as Jun Ji-hyun. The only possible saving grace is that the screenplay is being adapted by Gurinder Chadha, who did Bride and Prejudice and is at least from sort of the right continent. Seriously, does it ever occur to Hollywood to actually hire one of the ten million Asian people living in California to work for them when ninjas and geisha are not involved? I think it might be a little hard for someone who is not actually Korean to (a) understand the language, which is really important in the film, (b) understand the history, which is also really important, or (c) understand that, yes, people really do act like this in Korea, and no, the crazy matchmaking, ramen eating, and soju pounding is not meant to be a joke in and of itself. Plus, I just don't see an American studio willing to be quite so brave with all the physical humor if Will Ferrell or Steve Carell are not involved. And it will just not be the same movie unless Elisha Cuthbert also throws up on some random guy's head in the subway. Boo.

Lindsay Lohan, a partier? Who knew?

Despite the fact that everyone and their mom has already posted about this, I could not resist the urge to document this major step in Ms. Lohan's downward spiral. She used to be so cute (I know I am not the only one who watched The Parent Trap revival version) and seemed so promising during teendom (I <3 Mean Girls)...but now that she is awash in alcohol (excuse me, suffering from "heat exhaustion," a la Nicole Richie) and locked in an epic battle with Paris Hilton, I fear that the end is near. Betty Ford is calling her name...

You can see a bigger version of the letter (complete with a very special combination of American spelling and British punctuation) here.

There are (almost) no words...

I love US Weekly because it is delightfully trashy and filled with entertaining and at least semi-believable lies (unlike Star, which just cannot create any suspension of disbelief at all), but this is just ridiculous. And their website's little "game" that lets you watch celeb babies grow up is way beyond creepy.

(Also, can anyone explain to me how exactly they know what Zahara and Maddox are going to look like? Usually you need to know what the biological parents look like...and how come they don't get to be made out of wax like Shiloh? Injustice!)

Wish List Item #49123409823

??? of the day

So, I realize that I am not a true shoe person (low threshold for foot pain), but still...I have to say that this whole platform shoe trend is really not doing it for me. I do not understand why everyone on earth would want to look like a cheap hooker in red or animal-print platforms and cheap elastic shin-length leggings. Furthermore, I would really like to speak to the genius who thought it would be a good idea to give Jessica Simpson a clothing line, therefore making it impossible for me to go into any department store without being subjected to her image and signature all over racks and racks of fugly shoes, clothes, and accessories. The whole soap-you-can-eat thing was bad enough, and you'd think they would've learned since she was sued multiple times for that crap.

I just needed to get that out of my system.

Heroes in a Halfshell...

TURTLE POWER!

I knew when my childhood started returning to the mainstream that things were good, but this trailer is a dream come true. I mean, I'm not sure if it could manage the absurdly terribly wonderful-ness of the early 90s live-action turtle trilogy. And I'm still a little afraid it will be a little too new-generation-turtle without the old school charm. But I am seriously excited. I'm watching all my original Turtles DVDs on loop in anticipation of this movie.

8 months and counting...

Tangential Thought: The original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle theme song is undeniably awesome (lines like, "Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines" are priceless) but did everyone else realize that the line is "Raphael is cool, but crude"--according to the official TMNT website at least. Seriously? I have spent 15+ years believing that the line is "Raphael is cool, but rude" and it's all been a lie? And what does that even mean. I guess they get props for the alliteration, but "rude" sounds like he's a badass, whereas "crude" is just gross. And not in that cool, little-kid-gross sense, but in the plumber's-crack-yucky-gross sense.

Okay, rant over.

Obligatory Suri Post

As I'm sure practically everyone on the planet knows by now, Suri Cruise's birth certificate has been obtained by TMZ. I know that most people think that this whole thing is a hoax and that Suri either doesn't exist or is deformed in some way, but I personally am hoping that she exists and is at least normal enough to get married to Sean Preston in a couple decades and pop out some babies, who will eventually lead to the merging of Nascar Nation and the "Church" of Scientology.

It might take Sean some time to get rid of all his engrams before the wedding though. I'm sure that 18 years of living with parents who fight over who has to clean the Cheeto dust and Twinkie filling off of the seats in the pickup truck before picking up some more beer at the gas station can't be too great for your psyche. Not that living in a silent mansion with a midget father and jowly slave mother is that great either...