As I'm sure practically everyone on the planet knows by now, Suri Cruise's birth certificate has been obtained by TMZ. I know that most people think that this whole thing is a hoax and that Suri either doesn't exist or is deformed in some way, but I personally am hoping that she exists and is at least normal enough to get married to Sean Preston in a couple decades and pop out some babies, who will eventually lead to the merging of Nascar Nation and the "Church" of Scientology.
It might take Sean some time to get rid of all his engrams before the wedding though. I'm sure that 18 years of living with parents who fight over who has to clean the Cheeto dust and Twinkie filling off of the seats in the pickup truck before picking up some more beer at the gas station can't be too great for your psyche. Not that living in a silent mansion with a midget father and jowly slave mother is that great either...
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